


At Least We'll Always Have Montreux

by BohemianGryffindor06



Series: Joger Week 2021 [5]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Major character death - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:48:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29224968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BohemianGryffindor06/pseuds/BohemianGryffindor06
Summary: It's been a few years since Freddie's death, and the three of them are still struggling. On top of that, Roger is told that John still wants to leave the band for good, forcing Roger to confront his feelings about the situation...“So John’s asked me to arrange this meeting today to confirm that he hasn’t changed his mind about retirement,” Jim Beach said carefully as he looked between Brian and Roger. “From this moment, he wishes to remain out of the public eye as much as possible, and to hand over the reigns to you two, so to speak.”Part Five of Dealor/Joger week.
Relationships: John Deacon/Roger Taylor
Series: Joger Week 2021 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138496
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18
Collections: Joger Week 2021





	At Least We'll Always Have Montreux

**Author's Note:**

> Rating is for swearing throughout, and very brief mentions of smut.

Roger had been anticipating it for a weeks. Truthfully, since their argument a while back.

“So John’s asked me to arrange this meeting today to confirm that he hasn’t changed his mind about retirement,” Jim Beach said carefully as he looked between Brian and Roger. “From this moment, he wishes to remain out of the public eye as much as possible, and to hand over the reigns to you two, so to speak.”

 _That was that then_.

Roger swallowed thickly, but the lump in his throat remained. He grasped at his trousers, struggling not to feel bitter. They’d been through a lot together, especially in recent years. And it _still_ wasn’t enough to make him stay.

More than that though, he felt desperately sad. It had only been six years since they’d lost Freddie. Now it was John’s turn, just in completely different circumstances.

 _Didn’t make it any easier_.

“I guess we knew it was coming,” Brian said pragmatically. Then he gave a deflated sigh. “I’d still hoped that if he was given the option to go away and think about it, he might have changed his mind. But I can understand his reasons.”

Ever the diplomat was Brian.

Jim hummed in agreement.

Roger clenched his teeth and remained silent. He’d only say something he’d regret, fuelled by the anger screaming inside himself.

_“Fuck you! Fuck you and fuck this stupid fucking idea that you’ve suddenly fucking got into your fucking head!”_

_“Eloquent as always, Roger.”_

_“Fuck you!”_

_John barely reacted to Roger kicking the wall in temper. Maybe because he could understand his anger. Or maybe he’d just given up emphasising with him at all._

_Roger took a shaky breath in, struggling not to cry. It was made worst by the throbbing in his foot._

_John’s expression remained frustratingly impassive._

_It made Roger want to scream. It made him want to take hold of his shoulders and shake some sense into him. Tell him how much he was still struggling with this too. Tell him how much he needed him. Beg him to leave his wife like he’d promised six years ago. Before Freddie got sick and everything became tarnished by their best friend’s slow decline from that wretched disease._

_Instead, he could barely get a word out without the fear of sobbing._

_Eventually, John sighed, breaking up the deafening silence between them._

_“It’s not something that’s come out of the blue. I’ve not been happy for a while. Freddie—”_

_It was like the word got stuck in his throat. Unsurprising. John barely mentioned him these days._

_Roger looked up, catching the flicker of pain in his eyes. But then it was gone, just as quickly as it had appeared._

_“The point is that you need to face the truth. Me going away today isn’t going to change anything. In fact, it’ll probably just make me more determined. I’ve said it before. As far as I’m concerned, there is no more Queen. You and Brian are kidding yourself if you think there is.”_

_For the first time in years, Roger was desperate for a cigarette._

_“But we’re a family, aren’t we?”_

_Roger cursed internally at how weak he sounded._

_“I’m not sure we’ve been one of those for years.”_

_Roger wheeled back on the heels of his feet in shock._

_John might as well have punched him for what it was worth. But no, John was smarter than that. He used words, articulated so well that it made the venom in certain poisonous snake’s teeth look pitiful. He’d always had the ability to cut someone down with his razor-sharp tongue._

_It was something Roger had grown to like about him. Then all too quickly, love._

_It led to desire, passion, false promises, and naïve plans for the future. Followed by jealousy, arguments, obsession, and bitterness._

_And then Freddie happened._

_“How could you say that? After everything we’ve been through—”_

_“Because it’s true. It’s not like I haven’t tried. I’m tired of pretending that everything we’ve built isn’t dead and gone. It’s shit, and I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. Please try and respect that.”_

_Roger considered his words as he watched one of the engineers walk through the car park, oblivious to the conversation the two of them were having by the side of their management’s office._

_Then he turned back to look across the whole of John’s face as his teeth dug into his bottom lip, his gaze on the tarmac. Over the furrowed brows and crow’s feet. Over the tired lines of his face and his rapidly greying hair._

_Losing Freddie had aged them all. None more so than John._

_But still Roger couldn’t bear the thought of letting him go._

_“But you can’t just…you can’t just walk away from Queen. You can’t just walk away from…”_

_The sentence remained unfinished, the word hanging heavy in the air between them._

_John stared at him knowingly in response._

_“I have to. For my own sake, Rog. I know it must seem selfish, I just…I can’t continue anymore. Not like this.”_

_This wasn’t about him, Roger knew that. It still felt personal._

_John reached out and pressed a hand to Roger’s shoulder, tried a weak smile which looked far too rigid to be genuine._

_“Hey…at least we’ll always have Montreux, you know?”_

_Roger stared at him in disbelief. Was that supposed to be a comfort?_

_All it did was cause Roger to yearn even more. Yearn to go back to a time when they were oblivious about the events which were yet to occur._

_Sleepy mornings in bed, tangled beneath the sheets. Drunken kisses and shared bottles of whiskey besides the fireplace. Spending their days skiing together, laughing like giddy teenagers, and enjoying the youth of their love._

_Now they were nothing more than hazy memories, the only proof being the couple of polaroid’s Roger carried around in the hidden slot at the back of his wallet. For his eyes only._

_How had things come to this?_ Roger thought morosely as Brian stared knowingly at him, waiting for his reaction. He gave a small nod, desperately trying to keep his face void of emotions. But he’d never been as good at that as John.

“Is that it then?”

Jim hummed in response. “I know this isn’t what either of you wanted to hear, guys. I only wish I had better news.”

 _That makes two of us_ , Roger thought wistfully.

“Yeah, I know you do.” Brian assured him softly.

Roger felt like the longer he spent in that room, the more chance he had of being suffocated with memories of the past. Of happier times.

He rushed up from his chair, causing the other two to startle.

“I erm…I’ve got to hurry off. I promised to pick Tiger up from nursery.”

“Alright, well we’ll talk more about where we go from here next week if that suits everyone?” Jim asked neutrally.

Roger forced a nod and headed back out of the office as fast as his legs would allow.

He didn’t let himself break until he was safely locked away in his car. Away from any other prying eyes, under the cover of rain lashing down on his windows.

_“Hey, at least we’ll always have Montreux, you know?”_

—

**Author's Note:**

> This was a really sad one to write but I still weirdly enjoyed doing it? I quite liked the idea of exploring Roger's possible feelings on John leaving the band, especially given how close the two of them used to be. I hope you liked my interpretation of it anyway. Please let me know what you think, and I hope I've not managed to depress you all too much haha. As we're on the subject too, anyone else seen 'It's A Sin'. It's a programme on British tv, and portrays the Aids epidemic in the 80's very, very well. It's very sad, but it just got me curious about what people's thoughts were on it, given that that subject isn't really touched upon very much. I've heard a lot of people have come forwards to get HIV tested because of it, so that's definitely a bonus! <3


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